Down

I’ve been feeling pretty down recently, my wife is having a rough time at work, I’ve changed jobs and there have been a few screw ups with my new salary meaning I’ve been paid too little and the tax man has been paid too much. Time seem to be flying by as well and I never seem to have time to myself now. When I worked from home I seemed to have loads of time and I’m starting to have pangs of regret leaving my old job. Perhaps once my pay has been sorted out and the money starts rolling in as it should be, I’ll feel better, but currently, I feel down.
I sometimes turn to dressing as a means of escaping real life. Slip on a dress and heels and suddenly I’m not me anymore, I’m somebody else. Soon however, the realisation that my problems are not left at the wardrobe door catches up with me and I feel silly and angry. I usually end up pulling the dress off and chucking the high heels to the back of the cupboard. Angry at myself for either letting my problems get the better of me or angry that I thought putting a dress on will solve them.

On a positive note, my weight loss is going well. Nearly 20lbs dropped, the weight of a car tyre apparently. This has allowed me to fit back into a lot of clothes, not only in my male wardrobe, but my femme wardrobe as well. I had been thinking of selling a few things on eBay that I’ll never be able to wear again because they are too small (read, I’m too big), however wearing them again feels like it could be a possibility soon. I might end up having to sell the clothes that are too big instead.

I’ve now also booked my waxing appointments for the Christmas and new year fortnight. I’m not getting a whole body wax this time, just everything from the waist down, back and eye brows. The rest will be trimmed right back. This is mainly due to financial constraints but also the pain of a chest wax when your hair is as dark and thick as mine can be unbearable. I fully intend to dress at new year, wig, makeup, dress, lingerie and heels. Mind you I had that intention last year too and my wife and I ended up wearing our silk nightdresses and cuddling up on the sofa watching rubbish tv before retiring up the stairs. We watched some fireworks from the back window and hugged for a while, with the gorgeous silk nightwear we had on, we got quite horny and we ended up making love at the window, our nightdresses pulled up out the way. Even though I want to dress this NYE, I know something will either get in the way or I’ll end up not being bothered. At least I have a fall back in wearing a gorgeous full length silk nightdress again.

I’m in between waxing just now, the hair is growing again slightly but not enough to warrant another wax soon. I do hope it has grown enough in 4 weeks to make it worth spending the money I don’t really have on something that is to make me feel more femme at a time that I might not have the conviction to dress. I did notice at my last couple of waxes that the girl I go to has been using girly talk to get my skin taught. Regulars will know that I get all hair, and I do mean all hair, removed from the waist down. Waxing a flaccid penis is apparently not easy so something you will never ever be told, is that your waxer will have an easier time waxing you if your penis is erect, because the skin becomes taught. Regular readers will know that the girl at the salon I use knows about my dressing but I’ve noticed that when it comes to waxing that area she starts talking about dresses, high heels, makeup, lingerie etc. Of course the the subject gets me aroused as she asks about the lingerie I like to wear, do I prefer hold ups or stockings. How she wears hold ups sometimes under a dress to make herself feel really feminine and sexy. Even now I feel aroused thinking about it. It works for her, I become erect, she gets a easier life waxing me and I get a smoother finish so to speak. A win win all round. I just hope I don’t get too aroused. I once was so aroused that a bead of cum leaked out and rolled down my penis over a girls (gloved) hand once. That was a bit embarrassing.

Hopefully I’ll feel more of myself again soon. Christmas decorations will be up, although sometimes that just masks the sadness some are feeling underneath. I know I’m not depressed or anything, just sad and down in the dumps. I hope it lifts soon.

In the mean time, I may try out a new thing I’ve read about recently over on The Recovering Crossdressers blog. Underdressing at work. Basically it involves wearing your lingerie under your work clothes and hopefully not being caught. Feeling sexy and femme all day. At the most, I only ever wear knickers under my male clothes to work. In a job years ago, I used to wear knickers and hold ups. At my new job I don’t have to wear a shirt and trousers. Jeans and t-shirts are ok so I can fully under dress in hold ups, French knickers and a camisole, or a teddy and cover the strap lines easily with a striped jumper. Easier to do now we are into winter here in the U.K.

Dirty tranny girl xxx

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