I’ve been reading a lot of trans erotica recently, and I’ve noticed that it is the same story repeated every time. Basically the man meets the trans person, doesn’t know, finds out but is very tuned on, suddenly becomes bi-sexual to suck off the trans person then they have sex. The only things that seems to change is the location and what they are wearing.
It got me thinking about my own stories though and my own life seems to mirror this. The only things changing are the clothes and the location. I go through the same routines, the same sexual urges and the same eventual conclusion.
Is life that predictable for us?
What I really want to do is go out more to trans friendly places but I still feel I am not passable enough. I still feel I’d be laughed at in the situation and that ultimately I’d be rejected. An outcast from “normal” life and shunned by other trans people.
I think that may because I find dressing has once more become a sexual thing rather than something I enjoy or feel normal doing. But is that something that I can control and change or is it a cyclical thing in life just like the stories that cycle through new locations.
I find myself entering a phase in life wher I’m questioning my own very existence, but more specifically my trans side. Do we ever satisfy our self doubt?
It’s been a quiet time for me these past few weeks. I’ve not had the inclination to dress as much as normal and even underestimate at work has not been very appealing. I know this slump is nothing to worry about, I know I’m not out growing cross dressing, I’ve just had other things on my mind.
I’ve been very tired recently too. I think something has been working on me, I’m not my usual grumpy self. I did end up having surgery recent too, just day surgery but still, never pleasant. Perhaps that coupled with some money worries and the need for a clear out have gotten me down a bit. Money worries are a constant thing for most I’m sure, I’m trying to find ways to cut back and save a bob or two. I noticed my spending was getting out of control. I spent £40 on coffees this past month alone. Insane for a hot drink so at work I’m on a jar of instant and a 40p bottle of milk. Car insurance is due soon, house insurance is due, ex wife champing at the bit for child maintenance, at least there is no council text for 2 months until it goes up for next year. I live in Scotland and our government has decided not to pass on increased tax allowances that the rest of the UK will get in order to have more money to spend on public services. It annoys me that I will pay £400 a year more than somebody doing the same job in England and as a result some big fat lazy turd gets to upgrade their sky to to the full package, or some lazy single mother can get rid of their child into child care for longer so she can watch more Jeremy Kyle. Sickening.
I best sign off before I go on a rant.
Yours in silk, DTG xxx