I’ve been reading a lot of trans erotica recently, and I’ve noticed that it is the same story repeated every time. Basically the man meets the trans person, doesn’t know, finds out but is very tuned on, suddenly becomes bi-sexual to suck off the trans person then they have sex. The only things that seems to change is the location and what they are wearing.
It got me thinking about my own stories though and my own life seems to mirror this. The only things changing are the clothes and the location. I go through the same routines, the same sexual urges and the same eventual conclusion.
Is life that predictable for us?
What I really want to do is go out more to trans friendly places but I still feel I am not passable enough. I still feel I’d be laughed at in the situation and that ultimately I’d be rejected. An outcast from “normal” life and shunned by other trans people.
I think that may because I find dressing has once more become a sexual thing rather than something I enjoy or feel normal doing. But is that something that I can control and change or is it a cyclical thing in life just like the stories that cycle through new locations.
I find myself entering a phase in life wher I’m questioning my own very existence, but more specifically my trans side. Do we ever satisfy our self doubt?